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Column

Humor

The Cure to Senioritis

October 28, 2019 4:57pm | Angelyn Celis

It’s natural for seniors to slack off, especially when they’re so close to the finish line. Their most stressful year of high school is coming to an end, and they can finally take some time to relax. Although college-bound seniors have to deal with stressful […]

SATIRE: Clark’s Graffiti Problem: A Vital Recommendation

October 17, 2019 4:02pm | Anonymous

Earlier this year, the administration decided to finally take a stand against what is likely the greatest issue facing Clark today: the blurred, incomprehensible graffiti that can be found in our school bathrooms.  They removed our mirrors. And I, for one, applaud them for this […]

SATIRE: Study shows link between academic success and self-worth

October 9, 2019 4:24pm | Richard Park

Confirming long-held suspicions surrounding sleep and school success, researchers at Princeton University published a study Thursday that found getting 5 hours of sleep or less for studying, followed by grievously telling all your peers and acknowledging your declining health the next morning, remains the best […]

SATIRE: A Guide on Argumentation, by a Speech and Debate Champion

August 30, 2019 1:38am | Richard Park

Here are 5 ways you can blow someone out of the water in a heated debate: Use the question “Are you stupid?” When you are losing the upper hand and your opponent’s points actually make sense, gently state “are you stupid?” before you offer your […]

[COMIC] Jellyfish’s New Friend

April 16, 2019 2:34am | Elisia Hurley, Erin Keene

[COMIC] College Admissions Scandal

April 16, 2019 2:31am | Erin Keene, Elisia Hurley

Why You Shouldn’t Buy a Hydro Flask

April 16, 2019 2:15am | Angelyn Celis

Really, don’t buy one. Walking down the hall, you’ll see countless bandwagoning high schoolers with AirPods in their ears, a PopSocket on their iPhone, and of course you cannot forget about their dented Hydro Flask. Although I don’t actually have one myself, I managed to […]

The Merits of Membean

November 2, 2018 1:39am | Richard Park

As students are assigned increasingly large amounts of schoolwork over the past month, several students have admitted that Membean is actually a waste of time. “All you learn is how to talk big words,” says John Wherry. “It’s stupid and students could be spending their […]

Rishi’s Reflection: Advice for Tackling AP Exams

April 10, 2018 6:29pm | Rishi Saran

As I sat in the empty chair, I stared into the deep abyss that laid before me. My eyes peering into the emptiness, dreading what was to come. The impending doom was slowly, but surely creeping up on me, and everyone around me. Lips were […]

How to Procrastinate and Succeed Doing It (Humor)

September 20, 2017 4:14pm | Ammie Wang

Don’t procrastinate or you’ll start to fall behind.  Once you fall behind, your grades slip.  Once your grades slip, you lose sight of graduation.  Once you lose sight of graduation, you lose hope for employment. BAM – fast forward twenty years – you’re wrestling yesterday’s […]